Because, Giving Up Was Never An Option.

I need an escape. Escape from the boundaries. Escape from the limitations. Escape from the vibes that I have been feeling. I need an escape from my current life and my current situation. I want a world that is my own. The world that I dream about day and night. Where it’s just about me and my goals. The world where I don’t have any space for anyone except for a few loved ones. People I call my own.

I wonder if it’s just me occasionally, or are we all constantly being hit by these thoughts at some point of our life?

I believe it’s not just me having sleepless nights with these thoughts constantly running through my brain and getting on my nerves, right? It took me a really long time and quite a few sleepless nights to figure out where I’ve been going wrong. I know I’m not there yet completely but I also know, I’m half way there at least. Honestly, one of those nights is the one I’m writing this piece on.

And, you wanna guess what I’ve figured out? Wait, let me make it simple for you.

The only way I can make my self happy is by stop dreaming about it and start doing something about it. I have to do something about it till the time I find my happiness and internal peace. Till the time I don’t need an escape from anything and anyone. I want to make my life something I’m proud of. I’ve been given this one life, and I gotta make the most of it, everyday.

I have to stop focusing on things I know aren’t worth my time and I’d rather prefer spending some quality time with myself, family or friends. It makes me realize about the greater joy’s that I’ve been blessed with.  Things and people I know won’t leave my side when I need them the most.

I’ve also perceived the importance of self – love. For a fact, If you’re not happy with yourself and the way you are, there is no power in this world that has the audacity to make you happy for anything. You may think it’s impossible to be happy being yourself. Every day, it’s easy to wish you looked like or acted like someone else, or had the cushy job or great boyfriend that someone else has. However, until you learn to accept who you are and work to address your flaws, you’ll never grow as a person.

Here are a few tips that I practice myself:

  1. Listen to what your heart says is right.
  2. Eliminate toxic people from your life.
  3. Give yourself enough space and time to reflect.
  4. Accept yourself for who you are.
  5. Let go off your past and live in present.
  6. Breathe!

I know I have so much to look forward to in the coming days and in my life ahead. Because, giving up is never an option. Never was, never will be.

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Life Update.

My life has been going really weird since a long time now. It’s like a roller coaster for all my emotions inside. One moment I’m genuinely happy and the other I’m genuinely sad. One moment I’m kinda depressed and the other I’m kinda okay. One moment I’m ambitious and the other I’m done with everything. And the worst part is, I can’t even explain anything to anyone.

I’ve always had problems in taking decisions because of course, I’m a Gemini but I’ve never felt this lost in my life. I’m clueless about my higher studies, career, job, relationships, goals, life and in short, EVERYTHING that should matter at this point of my life. Its more like I’m just going with the flow. Like a dead fish. I don’t want to be that person. I want to take my own planned and systematic decisions so that I don’t have to think in my mind that I settled for it since I had no other option. I want to be responsible for my decisions. But for now, I don’t see a solution to my problems.

I’m glad I have a handful of amazing friends in my life who helps me through thick and thin and since I’m very particular about people I want in my life, I know I can trust these people to every bit. These days, my conversations with my best friends, Y (girl best friend) and S (guy best friend) have become really intense and whenever I talk to them, It’s more like I’m talking to my own self for help.Y, we’ve known each other since 9 years now and she has been a constant part of everything since then. So she is a different case altogether and we’re inseparable. I usually talk to S at night almost everyday once we both are free and I’ve noticed that our conversations have gone to another level these days. I can’t imagine sharing my family issues with anyone but I’ve recently shared them with him while we were just discussing a few stuff. And it’s just been like 7 months that we’ve known each other but we connected with a click ever since we started talking. Also, then there is this guy I met in NLDS, U (dope faced chutiya) who came out of nowhere in my life and impacted it so much all of a sudden. The time I’ve spent with him in NLDS was something unexpected and he has now become an integral part of my life. I’m forever going to be thankful to AIESEC for that.

I have my final year university exams in less then 20 days now and I’ve not really started studying in a way I wanted to. I feel so distracted with so many stuff going on in my head and it’s a complete mess there. I really have to start studying seriously or else my results this time as well will be disappointing for me.

Apart from this, I’ve also been placed in a decent company for my life after graduation through college placements. It’s a Sales profile and Sales was the last thing I wanted to do in my life because I don’t think I’m convincing enough for people and so I’m not that happy with the profile. Nevertheless, I’m still really looking forward for that life and work as well. I’m sure I’ll learn something better and eventually get what I deserve the best.

Everything is so uncertain these days for me but I’m pretty sure that heaven’s got a plan for me as well. For now, I’ve just decided to work my ass off for anything and everything that I’m doing and leave everything on the universe to unfold at the right time.

It’s 4:00 am now and I should maybe just sleep and rest now since I’m anyway not studying.

Good Night! 🙂

 

20 Random Facts About Me.

  1. I still keep a Teddy and hug it while sleeping every night.
  2. I hate sharing my hair brush with anyone. Can’t even share it with my Mom.
  3. I love buying and collecting stationery. Specially fancy diaries.
  4. I am really bad at expressing any of my emotions and I’m working on it.
  5. I care way beyond measures about people I am attached to.
  6. I love being independent and doing most of my work on my own.
  7. I take my time to get detached from someone but once I’m done, I’m done forever.
  8. I love star-gazing.
  9. Dance is my therapy.
  10. I’ve had one relationship in past and I’m currently single and happy.
  11. My family always comes first for me.
  12. I love meeting new people and listening to their stories.
  13. I have an unconditional love for dogs but I don’t own any yet.
  14. I want to do something for the society eventually.
  15. I over think every situation, a lot.
  16. I want to learn something new everyday in a totally new field.
  17. I am bad at keeping in touch with people because I hate talking on calls for long.
  18. I hate people who are pretentious and always seek attention.
  19. I love eating. And I’m almost always hungry.
  20. I consider myself hopeless when it comes to being Romantic. I have completely different ways of showing my love to someone.