My life has been going really weird since a long time now. It’s like a roller coaster for all my emotions inside. One moment I’m genuinely happy and the other I’m genuinely sad. One moment I’m kinda depressed and the other I’m kinda okay. One moment I’m ambitious and the other I’m done with everything. And the worst part is, I can’t even explain anything to anyone.
I’ve always had problems in taking decisions because of course, I’m a Gemini but I’ve never felt this lost in my life. I’m clueless about my higher studies, career, job, relationships, goals, life and in short, EVERYTHING that should matter at this point of my life. Its more like I’m just going with the flow. Like a dead fish. I don’t want to be that person. I want to take my own planned and systematic decisions so that I don’t have to think in my mind that I settled for it since I had no other option. I want to be responsible for my decisions. But for now, I don’t see a solution to my problems.
I’m glad I have a handful of amazing friends in my life who helps me through thick and thin and since I’m very particular about people I want in my life, I know I can trust these people to every bit. These days, my conversations with my best friends, Y (girl best friend) and S (guy best friend) have become really intense and whenever I talk to them, It’s more like I’m talking to my own self for help.Y, we’ve known each other since 9 years now and she has been a constant part of everything since then. So she is a different case altogether and we’re inseparable. I usually talk to S at night almost everyday once we both are free and I’ve noticed that our conversations have gone to another level these days. I can’t imagine sharing my family issues with anyone but I’ve recently shared them with him while we were just discussing a few stuff. And it’s just been like 7 months that we’ve known each other but we connected with a click ever since we started talking. Also, then there is this guy I met in NLDS, U (dope faced chutiya) who came out of nowhere in my life and impacted it so much all of a sudden. The time I’ve spent with him in NLDS was something unexpected and he has now become an integral part of my life. I’m forever going to be thankful to AIESEC for that.
I have my final year university exams in less then 20 days now and I’ve not really started studying in a way I wanted to. I feel so distracted with so many stuff going on in my head and it’s a complete mess there. I really have to start studying seriously or else my results this time as well will be disappointing for me.
Apart from this, I’ve also been placed in a decent company for my life after graduation through college placements. It’s a Sales profile and Sales was the last thing I wanted to do in my life because I don’t think I’m convincing enough for people and so I’m not that happy with the profile. Nevertheless, I’m still really looking forward for that life and work as well. I’m sure I’ll learn something better and eventually get what I deserve the best.
Everything is so uncertain these days for me but I’m pretty sure that heaven’s got a plan for me as well. For now, I’ve just decided to work my ass off for anything and everything that I’m doing and leave everything on the universe to unfold at the right time.
It’s 4:00 am now and I should maybe just sleep and rest now since I’m anyway not studying.
Good Night! 🙂